What is food shaming?

When you join friends for a meal out or family for a holiday feast, you have to choose what to eat in front of everyone. Do you choose more low-cal options or select something decadent and loaded with cream, butter and sugar?

No matter what you pick, there’s a chance someone will have something to say. It could be a comment about how healthy your diet is. Or someone might note that you’re “being bad” if you opt for the high-calorie treat. 

Both cases are examples of food shaming, which can take the form of a “compliment” or a criticism.

Tricky, but it’s common — so know what to do if it happens to you.

What is food shaming?

Food shaming or guilting happens when someone judges or criticizes what another person eats, either intentionally or unintentionally. It can cause stress, embarrassment or guilt.

People often food shame others, but you can also food shame yourself. Creating a negative relationship with food can lead to physical and emotional harm, like disordered eating behaviors or mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

Judgments about someone else’s food choices stem from diet culture — the mindset that being thin matters above all else. “Diet culture examines food under a microscope, placing more nutritious or lower-calorie foods on a pedestal and making anything else seem ‘bad’ or off-limits,” says Carolyn Finnerty, RDN a Geisinger dietitian.

Usually this backfires and creates a poor relationship with food. “When food is restricted, it will eventually lead to a binge,” says Ms. Finnerty.

Food shaming comes in a few forms including:

Comments

Making remarks about another’s food choices: “Are you going to eat all  that?” or “You eat like a bird.”

Thoughts

Having an internal dialogue about what someone else eats. “I wish I had her metabolism,” or “I should probably skip an appetizer tonight.”

Behavioral changes

Letting others influence your food choices. For example, ordering a grilled chicken breast for lunch when you actually want pizza because you think your coworkers may choose lighter meals.

Why do people food shame others?

Food shamers may enjoy feeling superior or it helps them control you. They may struggle with their own food choices and think they’re helping you. Maybe you’re your own worst food shamer, and your head is filled with judgmental thoughts.

Food shaming may be based on diet culture and the idea that certain foods are “bad” or “good.” But such a thing doesn’t exist — food doesn’t have a moral aspect. Labeling a certain type of food creates an atmosphere of criticism, which can lead to food guilting.

All foods can fit into a healthy diet. In fact, avoiding certain food you’ve labeled as “bad” only increases the desire for that food, which can lead to bingeing or overeating when you allow yourself to eat it.

You’ve probably heard of a “cheat day,” when someone allows themselves to overindulge on foods they restrict on “good” days. But cheat days can leave you sick, bloated, sluggish or uncomfortable. This creates a poor association with a potentially former favorite food, only reinforcing the feeling that you can’t eat it — or that you can’t even keep it in the house. Allowing yourself to eat these foods when you crave them will decrease the need to overeat.

Whatever the reasons, food shaming can harm your mental health and lead to stress, anxiety, guilt, self-blame and lower quality of life. 

How to deal with food shaming

When someone chimes in on your food choices, they may not mean to be hurtful. But even the most well-intentioned comment about your cuisine can cut like a knife.

Deflect the critiques — and change your own attitudes, too.

Speak up

If someone’s comments are upsetting, tell them. Whether it’s your well-meaning mother-in-law pushing a second helping or a friend commenting on your weekend snacking habits, ask them to stop, politely but firmly, if necessary. You can simply say, “I appreciate your concern, but I’m comfortable with my food choices.”

Change the subject

Not comfortable with what you’re hearing? Change the dialogue. You could talk about your favorite new song, weekend plans or the weather. But creating a diversion can be a good way to stop negative food talk.

Explain

Defending your actions may help stop the comments. If the other person questions why you’ve turned down those hors d’oeuvres, give them a short explanation. When someone polices your portion sizes, tell them you’re hungry and move on.

Spread positivity

Think your friend’s burrito looks good? Tell them. And, to take the pressure off someone who may be struggling with what they eat, remind them it’s OK to honor their cravings.

Reframe your mindset

Instead of deeming certain foods “off-limits,” consider the idea that all food is just that — food. Some types are more nutritious than others, but all food can fit into your diet. Understanding there are no good or bad foods can change the way you look at what you eat. Also, consider this: Feeling anxious or guilty about the impact of calories, fat or carbs on your physical health isn’t good for your mental health.

Make room for things you love

Don’t deprive yourself of foods you enjoy just because diet culture has deemed them “bad.” Removing moral judgments from food is a step toward a healthier relationship with it. Enjoy your favorite dessert or snack in moderation. Allowing yourself these things will lessen the urge to binge or overindulge in them. Instead, they’ll be considered a part of an overall healthy diet.

Go easy on yourself

There’s no such thing as a perfect diet, and there doesn’t need to be. Unhappy with the food choices you’ve made? Ask yourself why. When it’s due to a belief rooted in diet culture, reframe your mindset. If you feel physically uncomfortable after a food choice, remind yourself it will pass and use it as a learning experience. Leave today’s food choices behind you and focus on making new ones tomorrow that will leave you satisfied and feeling good.

And if you do get food shamed, Ms. Finnerty says, don’t stress. What you eat is your decision, not someone else’s.

Next steps:

Learn about Nutrition and weight management at Geisinger
Healthy diets require plenty of water. Learn how much you need.
Food can be healing. Find foods that reduce inflammation.