How to Support Someone With Cancer

While there’s no rule book, knowing how to emotionally and practically support someone with cancer can make a significant difference in their journey.

When a friend, family member, neighbor or other loved one is diagnosed with cancer, it can be distressing, shocking, sad and even scary for everyone involved. You want to help, but you may feel at a loss of what to do or say.

Should you discuss the diagnosis or avoid the topic altogether? Would your loved one enjoy a visit or meal delivery? Maybe you’d like to send a gift.

While there’s no rule book on how to support someone with cancer, understanding how to effectively be there — both emotionally and practically — for your loved one can make a significant difference in their journey.

“Every patient’s cancer journey is different, but the one constant is they need help and support from loved ones to navigate this difficult and sometimes overwhelming time,” says Zachary Venable, a licensed social worker at Geisinger specializing in cancer. “Cancer patients with strong emotional support tend to adjust better and cope with the changes the illness can bring and have a better quality of life.”

Tips on how to emotionally support someone with cancer

Emotional support is crucial to protect your loved one’s mental health. Emotionally supporting someone with cancer requires patience, understanding and empathy.

Acknowledge your loved one’s emotions.

When the future is unknown, it can cause anxiety, fear and sadness. Encourage your loved ones to express their emotions and offer a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. Reassure them that their feelings are valid and normal. You may suggest extra help from a support group or mental health provider to learn how to cope with the changes cancer can bring.

Encourage effective communication.

Communication is key when learning how to support loved ones with cancer. Be open and honest in your conversations, but also sensitive to their emotional state. Don’t offer false hope or make dismissive remarks, and only give advice or recommendations if asked. Give your loved ones the space to share their feelings and respond with phrases like “I'm here for you” and “You're not alone” to show your support.

Practice active listening.

Giving someone your full attention, maintaining eye contact and avoiding distractions indicates you’re actively listening. Show empathy by nodding, paraphrasing and asking open-ended questions. Let your loved ones know that you are there to listen without judgment.

“It’s OK to listen without always feeling like you have to respond,” says Mr. Venable. “Sometimes it’s not always what you say, but instead that you’re there to hear and understand what your loved one is saying or feeling.”

Suggest relaxation techniques.

Cancer treatments can be physically and emotionally draining. Offer to help your loved ones with relaxation techniques, such as guided imagery, meditation, deep breathing or gentle exercises like yoga and tai chi. These activities can help reduce stress and promote relaxation, while offering a great bonding opportunity.

“Relaxation techniques can be helpful for caregivers, too,” says Mr. Venable. “They also need self-care! Caregivers have to be mindful of their own feelings to avoid fatigue, burnout and vicarious trauma. Caregiving can be physically and emotionally draining, too.”

Tips on how to practically support someone with cancer

Offering loved ones practical support — whether in big or small ways — can help ease the burden a cancer diagnosis can bring and significantly impact their overall well-being.

Help with daily tasks and chores.

Cancer treatment can be physically exhausting. Offer to help with household chores such as cleaning and laundry, or daily tasks like walking the dog or getting the kids dressed for school. They may seem like small acts of kindness, but they can significantly reduce stress and allow someone with cancer to focus on their treatment and recovery.

Offer grocery shopping and meal support.

Preparing meals can be daunting for someone being treated for cancer, but healthy eating is vital to recovery. Help by organizing meal deliveries or grocery shopping on their behalf. Coordinate with friends and family to create a schedule for meal dropoffs so your loved one has nutritious and comforting meals without the preparation.

Provide transportation to appointments.

Cancer treatment often means frequent visits to hospitals or doctor offices. Offer to take your loved one to these appointments to keep them from having to drive themselves, especially after treatments. Doing so will not only ease their burden — and maybe give primary caregivers a break — but it will also be a chance to socialize or share companionable quiet time during the trips.

Offer companionship and distraction.

Sometimes, the best support you can give is just being there. Spend quality time with your loved one. Do activities they enjoy. Offer emotional support. Whether you watch a movie together, go for a walk or have a heartfelt conversation over tea, your presence can be a welcome distraction from their illness.

“Talk about their life outside of cancer, like what’s going on in the neighborhood or with their kids,” says Mr. Venable. “Distraction is a great way to move your loved one’s main focus away from cancer. There is more to a patient’s life than the diagnosis.”

How Geisinger can help

Our team is here for your loved ones, too. Because supporting patients goes beyond medical treatment, we offer resources and services that make life with cancer a little easier so your loved ones can focus on getting better.

Geisinger services include:

Support groups. Your loved one will meet others who have or had cancer and learn tips to help them cope with changes in their daily lives, including physical changes and new routines.
Survivorship Clinic. The goal of this program is to help your loved one make a smooth transition back to daily life after treatment. Our team of experts provides comprehensive care and guidance to help survivors manage potential long-term effects of treatment, address survivorship issues and maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Dedicated support. Social workers offer emotional support, counseling and assistance with practical matters, such as finding resources, navigating insurance and coordinating care.
Holistic care. Some care goes beyond traditional treatment. We offer yoga classes specifically tailored to people affected by cancer, as well as bedside reiki, which encourages a healthy flow of energy in the body. These can reduce stress and anxiety, improve physical well-being, and enhance overall quality of life during and after treatment.

“Everyone’s cancer journey is different and needs will vary, so you may find you have to adapt your support based on your loved one’s preferences and comfort level,” says Mr. Venable. “Be sure to continually communicate with your loves ones throughout their journey and ask how you can best support them.”